Construction grammar and the Minimalist Program occupy opposite, but equally polar, positions in the pre-scientific setting of studies that attempt to scientifically unravel the make-up of human languages. Both schools share a basic flaw. They favour outdated and inadequate strategies, primarily based on unscientific ideological preconceptions. Construction Grammar is against better judgment entangled in the quandaries of functional accounts that biology has conclusively found to be fatal for any scientific progress already a century ago. The MP has turned into a self-centred activity of playful tinkering with syntactic calculi, in a gated community that would let in nothing but hand-picked evidence. These two schools have lost their scientific orientation but their marketing is still superb. This paper is a 'profit warning' for young linguists. Investments into these companies are going to be investments à fonds perdu in the long run.